In a mood

I'm in a MOOD uh oh... Well I feel so angry right now probably more at myself than anything else. I want to live my own life regardless of what people think of me. I want to do my OWN thing without giving a shit. Sometimes I just feel so helpless, frustrated and confused. I don't want to feel like this or to act this way because it drives me insane to the point where I wish I could smash my head against a brick wall. So angry and a sense of feeling so out of control. God help me. I know I won't feel this way forever, I hope. Tomorrow I'm going to get my hair done. Actually it feels more like a joke than anything else, But Violet the hairdresser I spoke to today says it will be fun and that I'll feel better. I hope so. Violet is my Mom's hairdresser she's really good and did a fine job on my Mom's hair. The highlights look wonderful. Anyway I don't like my hair. I hate my white/gray hair and I also pull my hair out with my fingers. It's an obsessive compulsive disorder called trichotilimania. I've been pulling my hair out since I was 16yrs old. And often wear hats or scarfs over my head so no one will know. I am ashamed of how my hair and head looks but sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it untill there's hair all over the place or my Mom says something to me about it. So I looked at some colors today. I want a color that's noticeable like a purple or red and I mean bright red. I also want to get my nose and tongue pierced but need to find out where a good place is in Puyallup to get that done. Well that's all I have to say for now.